I can’t believe that our relationship started 20 years ago. You found me when I wasn't even looking for you. Crazy enough, my dad was friends with you first. I was hesitant to be your friend at first, but I soon got over that because of how special you made me feel. You helped me feel things that I had never felt in my life. In three years, we went from complete strangers to absolute best friends.
You have always been there for me through thick and thin. You were there when my parents got divorced. You were there when I was at soccer practice. You were there when I was depressed and alone. You were there when I was laughing my guts out while playing video games in my basement. You were there at school while I was learning. You were there in my mind when nobody knew. You were always there.
I could lean on you when I felt like I couldn’t lean on anybody else. You taught me that I could accomplish anything when you were with me. You taught me how to act. You taught me that I could be strong. You taught me how to numb my pain. You taught me how to escape. Most importantly, you taught me that I didn’t need anybody but you. You were my best friend because I could always count on you.
As I got older, I started to see parts of you that you didn't want me to see. I became skeptical and angry because I had always felt that you had my back. For the first time, I felt like you had deceived me and this started the downfall of our friendship. I started to notice the little white lies that you had told me. The more I dissected our perfect past together, I realized that it wasn't perfect at all. You had manipulated me into thinking that you were my only hope and that I needed you to survive.
Those little white lies weren't little at all. Actually, they were massive lies that had changed the entire course of my life. All that I thought I knew about you was a lie. The things you taught me. The way you made me feel. The way that you attached yourself like a parasite feeding on my pain and insecurity— that YOU were causing but making me believe it was from something else. Everything about our relationship was a lie. You are a lie!
Once I realized this, it was too late. Your hooks were deeply rooted in every aspect of my life. I felt like a fish caught on a line being reeled in day after day, after day after day, after day after day. Those days turned into months and those months turned into years. I can hardly remember a time when you weren't destroying my life. I felt there was no hope for me because I absolutely knew that I could never get rid of you.
Now I know differently. Someone came into my life and gave me the desire and motivation that I never had before. Her goodness showed me that it didn't matter how much pain and suffering I had to go through to get rid of you, it was worth it for her. I never knew true love until her, and that love has slowly changed me.
She has actually been there with me through thick and thin. She was there on my mission. She is there at my soccer games. She is there lifting me up when I feel depressed and alone. She is the one causing me to laugh my guts out. She is there playing video games with me. She was there helping me through school. She is always in my mind and physically by my side and everyone knows she is there. She will always be here.
I could literally lean on her when I couldn't lean on anybody else, especially you. She showed me that I could accomplish anything I desired. She showed me how to act. She showed me that I was strong. She showed me how to be vulnerable and let go of my pain. She taught me how to connect. Most importantly, she taught me that I truly didn't need you anymore because I had her. She is my best friend and I know I can always count on her.
The "She" I am referring to is my wife Hannah. Hannah is the one I told I had an addiction and she loved me anyway. Hannah got me to go to my first addiction recovery class. Hannah is the one who read my moral inventory, showing her the worst parts of my past and present. Hannah is the one I married in the temple, sealing me to her for time and all eternity. Hannah is the one who lifts me up when I cannot pick myself up anymore. Hannah is the one who gave us our son Beckham. Hannah has given me my life back because she accepted that I had a past relationship with you that I had not broken yet. Hannah is the one helping me slowly break the chains of addiction to you, one by one.
It took me 17 years to realize that I needed to get rid of you but I didn't know how to do that. Now I do. His name is the Savior. He can heal me from ALL things, even you. Although you have snuck into recovery groups and made us say and believe 'once an addict always an addict', Jesus Christ showed me that is wrong. He did not suffer for my sins, pains, and sicknesses, but not for my addiction. He suffered especially for my addiction because he knew that would be my biggest trial. He can and is showing me the way to get rid of you completely. I no longer need to believe that I will fight to get rid of you for the rest of my life. He has taught me there will be a day in my life-time where you will be gone because of Him.
I don't know what I did to deserve an amazing wife and an all-powerful Savior that will get me over you, but I do. Yes, you still have your hooks in me, but day by day my Savior is separating me from you. Yes, you still win some days, but those days are diminishing. Why, do you ask? I no longer want you. I no longer need you. I have found a life that is far better without you.
Porn you are no longer my best friend, my savior, or my destroyer. I have replaced you. This is my break up letter to you. No, I cannot do it in person because you will suck me back in, but I would rather do it this way. What's even worse for you is that I will do everything in my power to destroy you. I know you have others in your grasp, but I will help free them. I know you are destroying people I know like, my family, my friends, and my neighbors, but not for long. You have made an enemy of someone that you do not want as an enemy. In due time, you will see that I will help dismantle your stranglehold on those I love.
Just wait.
Goodbye porn.