In the dictionary, vulnerability is defined as, "...the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally." Have you ever put yourself in that type of situation? If so, how did it feel? How hard was it? Did it benefit you or harm you? Did people lose or gain respect for you? Did it strengthen or weaken your relationships?
Now let's ask these questions from a different perspective. Have you ever witnessed someone become completely vulnerable? How did it make you feel? Did you wonder how hard it must have been for them? If involved, did you help benefit or harm them? Did you lose or gain respect for them? Did it strengthen or weaken your relationship with them?
These are a few of the questions that need to be asked. Why, you may ask? Personal reflection of one's own vulnerability, or another's, helps the individual to become willing to become more vulnerable. I'm sure you're probably thinking right now, "wait, you're crazy, I don't want to be more vulnerable." "Vulnerability is scary and hard." "I've done it before, but it didn't work out the way I wanted it to." All of these statements can be true, but that doesn't mean they are always right. Vulnerability is actually a blessing.
Take my story, for instance. I just exposed my "deepest darkest secret" to the whole world. Honestly, I thought I would get love and support from people around me, but I also thought that I would get a lot of backlash, as well. I thought I might lose relationships because of it. I thought I might lose future opportunities because of it. I thought people would gossip behind my back. I thought that I would get called all sort of things like weak, creepy, or damaged. All of these thoughts could have been realities, but they weren't! Except for maybe gossip behind my back, but that's okay! Want to know why? No amount of gossip could replace or even touch the amount of love and support that I have gotten from people around me. I could not have imagined that so many people would reach out and say such nice things. I thought a lot of good could come from me opening up, but I still thought that in the best case scenario that at least one bad experience would surface. However, to my complete and utter surprise, it hasn't happened! So thank you all! All of the incredible things that have happened since my first post has made me want to be more vulnerable. Is it easy? Haha, no way! Has it made it easier? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes!
The world is a big scary place with internet trolls and toxic people that want to do anything to tear you down in order to make themselves feel better. I'm betting that everybody has a few people in their lives that fit that description. Well, guess what? They don't matter. Personal growth and those that actually care about you are what truly matters. Can those mean people still harm us? Absolutely, but let me say it again. THEY DON'T MATTER! Those that stay by your side to help protect and bear you up are the people that matter. That's the point of vulnerability. Vulnerability cultivates meaningful relationships and takes our personal progression to heights that we haven't attained yet. That is an amazing thing!
Protecting yourself from everything that has the potential to harm us physically, mentally, and emotionally makes us weak. Vulnerability makes us strong. Exposing ourselves to the "elements" of the world gives us the opportunity to grow and change for the better. Yes, change and vulnerability can be scary, but they are worth it.
A major component of the 12 step program is vulnerability. First, we have to become vulnerable to God. Second, we must become vulnerable to ourselves. Third, we must be vulnerable to a sponsor/bishop. Fourth we must be vulnerable to those we have harmed. Finally, we must become vulnerable to the world. People often think that the 12 step program is only for those suffering from addiction, they are wrong. The 12 step program teaches us how to become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ, and one of the best ways to do so is by becoming vulnerable.
Are we going to have bad experiences from putting ourselves out there? Yes, fully expect them, but I promise you that more good will come from it than bad. One of my favorite scriptures is Doctrine & Covenants Section 122:7 which states, "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elments combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." This scripture has taught me that even the worst of experiences are there to benefit my life and bring me closer to my Savior. That is why I became willing to be vulnerable. It took me almost 15 years to do, but I did it.
Vulnerability can come in all shapes and sizes, but being vulnerable is what matters. It doesn't take creating a blog and sharing your "deepest darkest secret" to become vulnerable, but it does take action. Having the desire to become vulnerable is the first step and taking a small step towards becoming vulnerable is a great start. Continue to build on those actions until one day (maybe 15 years later) you will have accomplished an amazing feat that will change your life forever.
The world needs more vulnerable people.
So here's the question...
Will you be vulnerable with me?
"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength" - Criss Jami