How many of you are familiar with the phrase, "Hi, my name is ____ and I'm an addict"? I am. I first heard this phrase, or variation of it, when I had to attend meetings when my father was going through rehab for his alcohol addiction. From a very a young age, I have always had a problem with any sort of variation of this phrase. Many probably are asking the question, why?? I strongly disagree with it because, no, I am not an addict. I will not be labeled as Korban the sexual addict because it is not true. Yes, I may have an addiction, but my addiction does not define me.
From my writing, you may have noticed when talking about my father I did not and will not use the term alcoholic. The same concept applies to his situation. Yes, he struggled with an addiction to alcohol for a big portion of his life, but that did not define him. In my eyes, he was Dad (Vincent). He was a fun loving goofy man who was extremely successful at anything he put his mind to, but most of all he loved his wife and his kids. Unfortunately, the hooks of addiction were so deep that he would not face the shame and take the necessary steps to get clean. So yes, he lived a major portion of his life being addicted to alcohol, but no he was not an alcoholic.
By this point, you may still ask, why won't you put a label on yourself, your father, or any other 'addict'? I will not use these labels because it gives the addiction more power, damages self-worth, and simply isn't true. My addiction to pornography and masturbation has lasted for nearly 15 years and has penetrated into every aspect of my life, but I am not my addiction.
At the group I attend, Healing Through Christ, one of my amazing friends always opens his share with, "Hi my name is ___ and I'm a grateful son of God recovering from sexual addiction." Contrast this phrase with the prior. Can you see and feel the difference? I definitely can. The phrase my friend states is empowering and gives a sense of hope and self-worth; while the other phrase seems as if the person is trapped forever in this identity of a brain disease that dictates their life. If one changes the way that they view themselves in a positive way, the fight of recovery is made that much easier.
As I stated above, no I will not label myself as Korban the sexual addict. However, I do label myself in more positive ways that promote a healthy view that will help me. I am Korban the kind, happy, and determined servant of the Lord. Having a positive outlook of one's self can be a very difficult thing because we notice everything wrong with ourselves and are our worst critics. However, if we can switch our negative thinking we will be able to transform our lives in miraculous ways if we change our thoughts.
No labels are not a bad thing. They can be used for great purposes, but most of the time they are used negatively. If we make conscious decisions to change negative labels to positive ones then we can start the process of healing our thoughts, which will, in turn, change our actions.
Yes, we all have our weaknesses that we all want to change, but we all have amazing strengths that far outweigh our weaknesses. We all have the power to choose what we are and how we see ourselves.
What will you label yourself?